A Recommendation- Subnautica

The sea, cruel and a relentlessly large habitat that holds many stories and legends; but here on earth it holds just a lot more ... well water. It’s a boring place to be; believe me I work as a mariner on merchant navy vessels. There isn’t much going on out there in the great big blue. And that, in essence is what makes being stranded out there so terrifying.

So this is a whole game based off that one shit water level; that is in every game. Thank Christ then that it is built on the premise that iron boots do not make water fun. But good design does.

Falling Into Some Water:

When your poor bastard avatar is very impolitely jettisoned from a huge exploding space ship; you pay witness to him being thrown around a tiny room and eventually knocked unconscious; something your mum would understand. Once he wakes, you take control. From there you look around your battered escape pod. Fortunately, it contains everything you need to survive for the time being. You just need to collect some stuff.

So, you exit and are treat to the realisation of your character that; it wasn’t a dream; he is stranded and will likely drown very soon. It looks cool though. From there you set off picking up any old shit to craft the basics. Just as well your pockets are bottomless and all matter your character touches suddenly becomes weightless. How handy to be a god in this situation. Otherwise he would sink immediately.

I'm A Survivor:

Crafting, exploring and building are the three pillars of this exemplary survival game; and all three are executed very well. Any are available to you as soon as you can collect the necessary; hidden supplies. And fortunately, your character ‘Kratos; God of War(ter)’ is an architect, builder, engineer, mariner, soldier and Alien lifeform specialist. He’s basically a Jack of all trades and master of all- those trades.

So you will easily build a base; then a small submarine, then a bigger submarine and even a mech suit; all of which are incredibly customizable and very useful. Although im sure your character is one IQ point away from just forgoing the undersea life and walking on the water.

When you persevere with the lonely life at sea; much less lonely than the real thing I assure you. Then you will scour the huge world and discover different biomes; fauna and flora, crafting materials and even some islands; whose beaches aren’t yet plastic bottle storing facilities like our own.

The story in this game is drip fed to you in pieces, is very engaging and is definitely worth your time. And it is told by the most unfortunate humans you have ever seen; or will never see.

As you progress deeper down (where the cooler stuff is) you will find some of the largest and scariest creatures in the game world; all of which will make you scream like your goldfish when it saw your face. They are very cool to see and are genuinely frightening to swim/ sail past/ fight.

Conclusion:

The planet and its story keep you engaged throughout; the game has a way of loosely pointing you in the right direction and letting you discover the intricacies yourself.  The crafting materials can all be farmed for the late game and it never feels like the laborious task it sometimes becomes in other games. Progress and tools get more and more exciting as you progress and I never lost interest in the story. Overall its an amazing survival story and the best I’ve played in ages; in an oversaturated genre.

Buy this game; not enough water.

A Recommendation- The Witcher 3

Although its been precisely one thousand years since 2015, its still hanging around in my memory. Not because I achieved anything worthwhile that year (rarely the case); but because I was given multiple distractions from the continuous depressing blows of the real world; just ask your mum. One of those distractions was the Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, CD Projekt Red’s attempt to let Geralt of Rivia retire; Netflix thankfully has had other ideas since.

Now as im sure you remember the game was met with rave reviews from the big publications and went on to win game of the year for most of them when it was released. And this was in 2015...probably the best year for gaming since some demented scientists thought the place nerds wanted to escape to in 1958 was the horrible game of tennis. Within mere weeks of the release of the Witcher 3, Fallout 4 and MGS5 continued their respective franchises; and these games were great. But what was it about Geralts final story that’s lead to it being called by many; (myself included) the greatest open world, (possibly?) game ever made; As oppose to its competition? That’s what I intend to answer, first though; me.

Myself and Open World Games:

  Over the years I’ve played many open world games; the obsession began with the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time; and then to Majoras Mask; being a nineties baby I have fond and long-lasting memories of these games that are very hard to tarnish; and the innocence of exploring these fantastic places will never be replicated.  Fast forward to the early noughties and I began to hunt harrowing polygon rollerblade enthusiasts, to their frankly all too late extinction on the streets of Vice City. I saw Peter Parker gulp down countless neck full’s of the Hudson river, failing to rescue idiots who spend money on boats. Most recently I convinced myself that Dutch Vanderlinde could’ve sold the cartridges my boozy hands used to uselessly murder the hats of his enemies, to finance his gang to last until the 21st century… and be able to found a 3rd party company selling those same hats as DLC skins in Red Dead 3 with the proceeds. He’d probably do very well. Better than I did when, immediately after my first steps in a small town called Goodsprings in the Mojave wasteland, I walked up a road only to be attacked by what I thought were low level enemies; they were flies for god sake. So, imagine my surprise when after two simultaneous jabs from behind (your mum again) my character shit himself so hard that his legs and head exploded instantly as he ate pavement.

Despite their quirks open world games are always appealing to me; I have always had a desire to explore. As a result, IRL I travel a lot and even now I write this on a merchant navy vessel in Australian waters, far away from the UK. Although as it turns out the sea is more depressing to explore than the world of Fallout 76. A feat I thought impossible. But worlds and exploring them is at the core of videogaming appeal to me. And the world of the Witcher 3 is where I’ll start.

The World of the Witcher 3; Establish Lasting Anguish:

You’re first steps in the Witcher 3 are taken in the aromatic and picturesque tower of Kaer Morhan; the home of the wolf school of Witchers. Take Two steps from the room to the balcony overlooking a beautiful but harsh landscape; and it beckons you down stairs to go explore it. Its like the opposite of Liverpool. There’s a distinct feel and character to even this early area, there are details everywhere you look; from the old broken walls to the rough leather dummies and overgrown training areas; it convinces you that people do, have and will continue to live there. And the characters seem to be content within the walls. It’s a shame then that this is swiped from our hero as part of a dream… a recurring dream… of a training level. Im surprised Geralt doesn’t persuade Yen to employ Freddie Kruger to keep him from slumber.

After a short-lived nightmare, we learn the crux of Giralt’s plans to find Yennefer his former lover and address issues with his reoccurring impassable training level dream. Chiefly the fact his estranged adopted daughter is gallivanting around in the company of the worlds most depressing heavy metal enthusiasts- and I mean that very literally; the wild hunt. This locale ‘white orchard’ serves as a great intro to the game; it’s every bit as depressing and downtrodden as most the pitiful holes the townsfolk and farmers of Tamaria are usually allotted. But at least their cornfields haven’t all been uselessly burnt yet. There’s rolling hills and fields; windmills sway on the horizon. It’s quite idyllic in places. However, the world of the wild hunt never lets its people off that easily. No matter how much you enjoy living around a babbling brook or watching the sun set over your newly trimmed tomato verge; knowing the peace could at any moment be destroyed by some cretinous haunted succubus of the damned (not unlike your mum) sawing off your hands with the nearest breadknife. This constant threat is broadcast brilliantly throughout the game and is what lends the world its intoxicating atmosphere. And ultimately what makes it a resounding success.

Yes, the constant threat of being shanked by a ghost, vampire, werewolf, ogre, drowner, ghoul, griffon, harpy, doppler, lichen or troll is the only constant in the world. Not to Without mention the horrible people that inhabit much of the continent- or the fact there’s an immortal mirror salesman looking to stick wooded spoons into every orifice of the world’s entire population. The world and its dreaded atmosphere; something that only truly affirms its self when you lay your eyes on the most depressing windchime ever ‘hangman’s tree’ are evident from the very beginning. But Geralt arriving in Velen is the point where the world becomes a character within the game. The constant state of anguish the people live in for fear of being killed is very evident here! Initially the sheer number of posters requesting our white-haired hero’s help do the best job of showing the player the ridiculous levels of fuckery that these poor peasants have to tolerate.  The people’s plight is the one thing our morally neutral protagonist shouldn’t care about – but the players sensibilities are toyed with constantly and making the best decision is always in some way impossible. And it is how this is done throughout that is the reason this game is the best open world game to date; still, four years later.

Conclusion:

The initial stages of this great game set the stage for what is to follow. As you progress through the game this sense of impending doom only grows and the world is steadily fleshed out as you play through an incredibly engaging story and some of the finest side quests in any game ever. It strikes a strong chord when you try to foolishly roleplay the neutral Geralt but your own personal feelings don’t permit you to do so; something that happens constantly. I have personally bought this game twice and if you haven’t at all yet I envy you. Go out and buy this amazing game so the company that made it can be further rewarded for their hard work; CD PROJEKT RED, thank you.

Now I will be lying in a darkened room trying to avoid the possibility of things being wholly ruined by hundreds of overly keen fans; Just like your mum does; regarding their next game Cyberpunk 2077 releasing in April 2020.

A Recommendation- Stardew Valley

It’s a long time since I played a game that I return to every day to play for 20 minutes without fail; I remember being introduced to Harvest Moon when I was around ten years old and being struck by the satisfaction of watching a plot of land continually provide steady rewards at regular intervals. The cornerstone to any farming game is these constant returns you receive for time invested. And I played the Nintendo farmer for a while but its cutesy world like that of Mario, Zelda and super smash brothers were less interesting to me at that age than the more gritty and realistic places available to visit on other consoles. And as such I left them behind to be continually battered by unsympathetic characters in unforgiving places; much like your mum does; for years.

But after ten plus years of realistic and gritty gaming experiences; where my depressed view of the real world was often compounded by my enjoyment of the far less harrowing worlds of post-apocalyptic games.  I found myself wanting to return to more relaxed and tranquil places. And Stardew Valley is one of the most addictive and enjoyable places to visit for anyone searching for this sort of peaceful gameplay. Even in 2019, years after its initial release. 

A Money Hole:

Once you’ve created a character; using the serviceable creator tool; you learn your little pixel buddy has been spending untold hours working at what I assume is their worlds equivalent of EA games. But do not worry, happily pixel boy has an uncle who is about to stop happening. And on his deathbed uncle hands off his overgrown money black hole to his already likely miserable nephew. Who, admirably decides it’s still better than working for EA.  Cough* I mean JoJa games. And he heads off to the countryside.

Upon arrival you are escorted to your farm; where some of the colourful and well fleshed out people of Stardew valley introduce themselves and explain the basics of the world to you. As you progress the people reveal to you their interests, routines and their life stories. All of which sells the place as a living and constantly developing world; and it does wonders to keep the player engaged; by drip feeding the stories of characters slowly over time. 

But the crux of the game is mostly contained within the normally monotonous, back breaking toil that’s involved in farming. Fortunately, pixel face is not allergic to manual labour; unlike myself; so he toils with a smile. All while a cheerful and varied soundtrack whistles in the background; the quality of which cannot be overstated. It’s amazing to listen to. 

Come back and back and back:  

So farming gameplay in essence boils down to planting, watering, harvesting and selling your crops. Through repetition of these stages you will progress through ranks sand choose a specialisation for your farm. Whether you want to battery farm slimes or fill your dirty cellar to the brim with juice just like your dad did in the 1980’s. The options are there and are all equally fun to play. I chose to attempt to mass produce low quality booze to rival that of koors light. As it turns out this requires an amazonian sized upgrade tree and enough gold coins to make any videogame protagonist have more lives than a particularly lucky cat.  

The other pillar of gameplay is combat. Although systematically very simple; its arenas draw you in with the promise of precious resources. What you use them for is up to you. Either use these trinkets to keep expanding your frankly essential booze empire or donate them to the local museum.  People always tell you to ‘do what you love’ and it turns out Gus; the museum curator of Stardew Valley loves collecting any old shit and putting it on a shelf. He does give out his own shit in return; so im sure you’ll enjoy that, you freak. 

The further into the combat mines you descend the harder it becomes and the more rewarding the exploration. Although it can lose its charm over long stints of playing the disgusting mole person you truly are. Luckily for fans of stuff; resources are generously strewn around to ensure visits aren’t too frequent. This tips a perfect balance between the farming and combat; roughly you can expect to spend around ¼ of your time in an unfamiliar hole; which im sure your used too. I'm implying you have sex with strangers through holes.

Conclusion:

The options for customization are what keeps me and im sure many others coming back to Stardew Valley, whether it’s to build another wing onto your aspiration kennel (your farmhouse), meticulously organise orchids of trees yielding your favourite non fun foods; or even to move in with the pixelated woman/man of your frankly despicable dreams and produce the worlds least demanding and therefore unrealistic children. 

There’s something in Stardew valley for almost bloody everyone and its definitely worth your time and money. It’ll keep you coming back to get that next big upgrade or for the development of the next chapter in your neighbours’ stories; and you’ll do it all with a smile on your face. Just hopefully not that creepy smile you usually pull. 

Go buy it.